Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
