It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
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He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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