I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
