i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
