id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my gift to your gina
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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