somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
