Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
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You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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