Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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