What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
