I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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