well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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