I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
