Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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