Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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