what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
