we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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