I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
