Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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