this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
