I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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