Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
