Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
