Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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