I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
