Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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