Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
