I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
