We're like a lot better than the average bears
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
