Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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