my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
