Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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