You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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