508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
