TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
