The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
