I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
