I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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