I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
