He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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