how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
