I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
