The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No subtext here. People are naked.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
