i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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