I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
