I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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