she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
