At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
