Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
