all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
