So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
