Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
