My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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