so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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