im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
then he tried to convert me to islam
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
