My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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