He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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