And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
