Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
