he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
