What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
