I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize