I'm gonna have a badass scar
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
