just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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