He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
