Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
