Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
