Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
