I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So squirting runs in the family.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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