the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
