My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
