I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
