Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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