it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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