I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I will die if light touches me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
