If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
