I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
