Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
where are my eyebrows?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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