As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
