This girl is more easily done than said...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
